I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize