You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
