sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
