my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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