We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
