For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
