Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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