i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
