on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
