I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
