so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
