Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
