remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
