Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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