I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize