Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize