Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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