I have demons in me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
