Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
