OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
