Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
