it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
