dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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