I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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