watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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