Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
