Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
