we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
