Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize