the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize