i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize