??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
