A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
