I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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