How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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