Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
