I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
