I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to calm my uterus...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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