does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
