This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
