im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
