Don't make out with my wife yet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
