You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
