i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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