they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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