she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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