Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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