she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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