Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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