You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is the high leading the old right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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