I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
