I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
