her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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