i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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