hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
