perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
