yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
