everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
