grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
