Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize