I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
