New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
