As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
