You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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