I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
