he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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