If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
