So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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